


When Grief, Guilt and Anger Collide

by ariella884



Category: Star Trek: Picard, Star Trek: Voyager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22887220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariella884/pseuds/ariella884
Summary: Seven returns to Earth to talk with Kathryn Janeway; to tell her what happened with Icheb
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn Janeway & Seven of Nine
Comments: 18
Kudos: 75





	When Grief, Guilt and Anger Collide

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for episode five of Star Trek: Picard. 
> 
> So after watching this episode, the first thought that went through my head was how different Seven was from Voyager. Rightfully so; she has grown and discovered her individuality. But even then, I believe her and Kathryn Janeway would have remained close. So this is my version of Seven returning to Earth to tell Janeway about Icheb.
> 
> Thank you to cnroth for the quick beta, although all mistakes and anything out of place/character is still all me. 
> 
> And of course the usual.... These characters and Star Trek do not belong to be, I am just adding a bit to their story for my own enjoyment.

____________

Year 2386  
____________

Admiral Kathryn Janeway walks through the front door and takes a deep breath, stress of the day leaving her almost instantly as she takes in the familiar surroundings of her home. It’s been 8 years since they returned, but it still feels like only yesterday they were in the Delta Quadrant fighting for their lives each and every day. Being back on Earth, she still has to remind herself daily that she’s home now, she can let her guard down again. 

She looks across the room, into the kitchen and sees him. He’s moving busily around the kitchen, no doubt making their usual Friday night dinner. Since their time on Voyager, they have maintained their tradition of dinner together once per week, assuming both of them are on Earth or at least in the same place. Her duties as Admiral keep her mostly home, but there are occasional trips to other colonies and while she always has and always will love traveling amongst the stars, one thing more than any has changed in the last 8 years. She has a reason to want to be at home; he is that reason. Her husband. 

“Kathryn? Is that you?” His voice interrupts her musings. 

“Yes, Chakotay,” she replies. 

She hears glasses clanking around, a bottle being opened, and smiles as she enters the kitchen just in time for him to turn towards her with her usual drink in hand. 

“I missed you,” he says simply, those irresistible dimples in full view. 

“You just saw me not eight hours ago.” She reaches her arms around his neck and raises her lips to his in a quick kiss.

“An hour away from you seems intolerable at times, my dear.” 

She shakes her head and takes the offered glass from his hand, turning to move towards the stove to see what he is in the process of cooking, her hips swaying a little more than usual. “Well then, I guess we'll just have to make up for those hours of suffering, won’t we?” she teases.

“Hmmmm, I like the way you think.”

She feels him behind her even before his arms wrap around her waist, his breath tickling her neck. She tilts her head back, silently giving her permission for his lips to travel along her neck. She takes a deep breath in, her skin tingling in response to his ministrations. Seven years together, and she has never gotten tired of feeling him against her.

“Chakotay?”

“Huh?”

“Dinner first? Maybe before it is burnt to a crisp?”

He quickly pulls away from her. “Oh damn.” He moves to the stove and turns the heat off, luckily in time to save their dinner from a blackened future. “I blame you for distracting me.”

“I would say I’m sorry, but that would be a lie,” she teases, her voice deep and husky. “I am going to run upstairs and change clothes, if you think you can manage down here without me?”

“I think that without you distracting me, I can probably manage. Although thoughts of you changing may enter into my mind…” His teasing follows her all the way to their bedroom. 

She is almost dressed when the door chimes. 

“Chakotay? Can you get that? I’m almost dressed,” she yells down to him as she pulls the sweater over her head. 

Walking down the stairs she sees Chakotay standing at the front door, his form hiding the visitor from her view. He turns slowly, a flash of blonde hair catches her eyes.

“Seven!”

“Admiral. I hope it is not a bad time?”

“Of course not. Come in!”

Chakotay closes the door, and follows the women into the large room. Kathryn motions for Seven to have a seat, “Can I get you a drink, Seven?”

“No, thank you. I do not require anything at this time.”

Kathryn sits on the sofa next to her, Chakotay taking up one of the chairs across from them. 

“Seven? Is something wrong?”

“Admiral…” Seven’s face turns up towards her own and Kathryn can see the pain in her eyes. For a woman who almost never shows emotion, she knows immediately that something is desperately wrong. “I asked that Starfleet not inform you, as I wished to do it myself…”

“What is it?”

“Icheb is dead.” 

The words suck the air out of Kathryn’s lungs. “What? How? When?” She stands up, pacing the room and feels Chakotay move up beside her. 

“As you are probably aware, Icheb took leave from the USS Coleman.”

“Yes I remember seeing that. Although there was no reason provided; no details on where he was going or what he was doing.”

“He was helping me. Or rather he was assisting the Fenris Rangers.” Seven stands slowly, walking to the other side of the room. Pain flashes briefly in Seven’s eyes before she turns away, seeming unable to look at them. 

Kathryn understands guilt, has felt it intimately for years, and it is guilt that she now sees. Guilt, grief, even anger. “Seven, whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was.”

“Seven…”

“He was doing recon with a small group of rangers out towards Daimanta when a distress call came. It was a trap. He was taken and the others were killed; we found their bodies aboard their shuttle. It took too long to track Icheb. By the time I got there, he was... he…”

Sobs rack through Seven’s body. Kathryn moves closer, resting her hand gently on Seven’s shoulder, offering what little comfort and support she can. 

“There were Borg implants and instruments all over the room,” Seven continued. “Icheb was on the operating table, blood covering almost every surface, his uniform ripped. I could hear his pained moans, his screams….” 

Seven’s hands move over her ears as if trying to block the screams from her memory. 

“After taking out his captors, I went over to him. I saw the gouges in his face and body where his implants had once been. They were removing each and every Borg piece, one by one, without anesthesia, without the mercy of death. I promised to rescue him, but he knew nothing could be done. He only asked that I end his pain.”

Tears run down Kathryn’s face, shallow breaths barely making their way through her chest. She tries desperately to stay strong for Seven, this woman who means so much to her and who has just lost a part of her family. 

“He died there in my arms, by my hand.”

“Oh, Seven.” Kathryn moves in front of the woman, pulling her into her arms. She can count on one hand the number of times that Seven has allowed this sort of closeness to anyone. It’s a testament to how devastated she is that she is allowing it right now. 

As her own tears spill out down her cheeks, Kathryn guides Seven gently back towards the sofa, urging her to sit. Kathryn looks up to see Chakotay still standing quietly across the room, his own face damp with tears.

“Seven,” she says, turning back to their guest, “this wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could have done.”

“It was my fault he was captured. I was deceived. I was blinded by... my emotions.”

“Deceived how? What do you mean?”

“Bjayzl. Jay. We met on Fenris a couple months ago. She was posing as a ranger. She learned of Icheb from me. I trusted her and she deceived me.”

Kathryn turns back to Chakotay, who nods in response to her unspoken question and heads back into the kitchen to give them space. Kathryn continues to hold Seven close, rubbing light circles on her back. 

“Seven, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known.”

“I was blinded by my feelings. Feelings that I should never have allowed to come into play. I allowed our intimacy to blind myself to her deception.”

Kathryn holds in a breath, struck by the intensity of the hurt in Seven’s words. She knows this woman has not gotten close to many people, none since she was on Voyager. To have allowed herself to get close to this other woman must have taken more trust than she was willing to admit. 

“Seven, it’s ok.”

“No dammit, it isn’t!” Seven pushes Kathryn away as she gets up. “Icheb is dead and it’s my fault.”

Her words change from sorrow and guilt to full blown anger. Kathryn understands this feeling also. She knows that if Seven allows the anger to fester, that it will consume her life and eat away at her. 

“Seven, it’s ok to feel guilt. It’s ok to be angry. But you can’t allow it to consume you. You need to talk about it.”

“You want me to talk about it, fine. I am beyond angry. I am furious. I am furious at myself for allowing my feelings to interfere with my judgement. I trusted her, and she used that trust to take the one person who means more to me than my own life. Icheb…”

“He was family. He was your son…”

“Yes. My son.”

Kathryn stands, slowly moving closer to Seven. “It still isn’t your fault. You were betrayed by someone you trusted.”

“I am going to find her. And I am going to kill her.”

“Seven, no. Revenge is not the answer.”

“Wrong, Admiral. Revenge is all that I have left.”

With that, Seven turns towards the door and stomps away. By the time Kathryn gathers herself together enough to follow, Seven is nowhere to be seen. 

“She must have had a personal transporter.” Chakotay speaks behind her, his first words since Seven walked through the door. “We won’t be able to track her.”

“Oh God, Chakotay. She is hurting so much. I don’t know…” 

“She’s angry and she has every right to be,” he states simply, pulling her close to him. “She is going to have to move past her anger, and there isn’t much we can do except be there for her in whatever way she allows us to be.” 

“She’s not going to stop until she finds the woman responsible, you know this right?” 

Chakotay nods his head and motions for her to come inside. As the door closes behind them he hears Kathryn speak softly. “She finally allowed herself to love someone. And now….She is never going to trust anyone again.”

“I hope you’re wrong, although I have the same fear.”

Kathryn turns slowly, looking up in her husband’s eyes. “To lose a child is bad enough. Add to that the fact that she was betrayed by someone she loved. Chakotay, I believe...I fear she has lost a part of her humanity. Again.”

“I know.”

She pulls him close, needing to feel his strength around her. 

“Kathryn?” 

“Mmmm?”

“You should eat something.”

“Can you give me a few minutes?”

He replies as he steps toward the kitchen, “Sure, I will just warms things up a bit, come down when you’re ready.” 

Kathryn heads slowly back up the stairs, needing a moment alone to deal with the barrage of emotions going through her right now. She can’t believe that Icheb is gone, but more than that, she can’t get over the look she saw in Seven’s eyes. She knows the dark place that Seven has entered; she has been there herself before. She vows to herself that she will do whatever is in her power to help Seven back from the guilt and anger. Seven may now be the individual that she had always strived to be after her separation from the Borg, but Kathryn knows that even the fiercest of warriors sometimes need help and she will be there in whatever way Seven needs.

She walks into the kitchen just as Chakotay places the last of the food on the table and fills their wine glasses. He turns towards her, their eyes meeting and she smiles sadly. 

“Ready?”

“Yes. Thank you.” 

Both seated, she picks up her wine glass and raises it in front of her. “To Icheb, an intelligent man and even kinder soul. May he rest in peace.”

Chakotay clinks his glass to hers and adds, “To Icheb.”


End file.
